Sex and Luther College: Why sex always gets in the way


Sex and Luther College: "Why sex always gets in the way"
Date 2/26/2004 12:00 AM | Topic:
Opinion
Harry and Sally have just met and are driving to New York City.


"You realize of course that we can never be friends. Men and women
can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way."
"That's not true," Sally insists, "I have lots of male friends."
Harry corrects her.

"They all want to have sex with you ... The sex
thing is already out there and the friendship is already
ruined.

"
I don't usually find vestiges of truth hidden in Meg Ryan
movies. I don't know anyone who does. But, as I was watching When
Harry Met Sally over Valentine's Day weekend with fellow
singletons, I thought about Harry's assertion. Can women and men
actually be friends? Or does the sex part always get in the
way?
Unlike some questions that occupy my mind, like "Should we have
gone to war with Iraq?" or "What am I going to do after
graduation?" or "Why doesn't someone just burn Main down?" I came
to a conclusion about this one.

It's true. Men and women can never
really be friends. The sex part always gets in the way.
And before you protest with your own examples ("Annie and I have
been friends since we were both in diapers.

I would never think
about her that way."), let me explain why. I am asking you to delve
into the murky abyss of your subconscious and really think about
motivation. Motivations are often so subtle, I'm sure we rarely
recognize them.


Immanuel Kant claimed that humans are creatures of reason. At
the risk of again sounding Freudian, I'd say that humans are
creatures of reproduction. Place 2,600 barely-twenty-somethings in
a few acres of old corn field and the sex is there-always. I would
also argue that one reason male/female friendships are so exciting
is the potential sex lingering in the atmosphere of the
relationship.

The effects of this charge on an unsuspecting twosome
are explosive.
Inter-sex friendships, like all friendships and something else I
know, come in all shapes and sizes. There's the more casual "hey
how are you" types. You and John talk while being shoved by the
first-year frantically seeking keg beer.

You sit by each other in
marketing and study for tests
together. Let's be honest about this. Odds are, if both are
single, either 1) you want him, 2) he wants you, or 3) he wants
your roommate.
Then there are the more intimate inter-sex friendships.

This is
where I always get myself into trouble. Things begin casually, but
a connection is made. You both
love Ben Folds, Kafka and
California burger night. She makes you laugh like no one else
can.

That is how she captures your heart. As a host of tragic
plot structures have shown us, from such a harmony of
personality, it can only follow that Miss Piggy falls
desperately for Kermit. The decision to date when such a deep
friendship hangs in the balance is tricky; if things don't work
out, the ruins are bitter and what's left is the shaky and
elusive "ex-friendship." But quite frankly, if two people have
an intense connection and don't end up together, in my opinion
it means only one thing-one of you is simply not physically
attracted to the other.


Even firm believers in the ability of men and women to maintain
platonic relationships have one more battle to fight-the new
partner. All friendships inevitably change. The inter-gender
friendship struggles with an inevitability that the intra-gender
friendship does not. Given that humans also try to be monogamous,
in the end, a person can really only have one "best friend" of the
opposite sex.

You were tight before, but now that he is
dating that blonde he adored
forever you never see him. The sex part has gotten in the way,
maybe it's not sex between the two of you, but it is there, in the
form of a bright orange roadblock with breasts.
And so, when Billy and I had been flirting nonstop for months
over the medium of instant messenger, I should have known. Well, I
did know, and I warned him.

"Billy, I always end up
dating my guy friends," I typed
in mauve font. "So watch out!" Winky-smiley face. "Lol" was his
response. "I just don't want this to affect our friendship," he
said later-right before he kissed me.

Oops, I did it again.
--
"Jasmine Jennings"

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